Sunday, 30 May 2010

The Chronicles of a Bootcamper

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a few days, and considering my recent criticism for not basing my argument in numbers, I now have the numbers. Temery, keep bugging me, I’ll get it right.

So those of you who know me, will know that I’ve always battled with my weight, which over the years has ranged from the concerning to the given up. I’m not going to dwell on who I was then – it’s made me who I am now, and I’m much more excited about that! Anyway, to cut a long story short, it’s been lifestyle changes, healthy eating and exercise. There’s been no easy fix and you shouldn’t look for one. I’ve tried it; it never lasts.

So I still have my vices, and my ability to eat cheese and crackers at an alarming rate, but after a couple of years of hard work, I’m finally reaching a sense of achievement. The most recent experiment has been the enrollment in an exercise bootcamp. It’s not one of the army-stylee ones. We train next to them. They are definitely not having fun.

I’ve attended three sessions so far, in the past 6 days, and have struggled to walk downstairs the following mornings. Remember those PE lessons when you were 11 and the teacher was bored? It’s a lot like that, but instead of being state imposed, you actually pay for the privilege of being humiliated in a park near your house, where you might actually know someone.

My brother threatened to sit nearby, with a beer and a cigarette, to take pleasure in our humiliation. To be fair, if the roles were reversed I’d probably have something stronger than a beer. Luckily Victoria Park is a big place.

As cynical as I am about some of the aspects of this current regime, (primarily being asked about my piercings, and told that ‘if your piercings interrupt the meridian lines you were destined to be overweight’ – um, not so much, show me the science…?), the edge is beginning to come off my doubt.

After only 135 minutes of exercise, I’m actually starting to prove their adverts. Following the recommendations, I have taken measurements of various bodyparts at regular intervals – just to reassure you, I had to actually buy a tape measure - this is not normal Hannah practice!

So far I’ve lost almost an inch from practically every point measurable. Of course it’s possible that I’m just rubbish with a measuring tape, or it could be that I’ve lost the back of one of my earrings and realigned my chakra. Or in fact it could be the bootcamp working; I’ll base my hypothesis on the facts. And nothing but the facts… (love James Ellroy). I’ll keep you posted.


  1. Nice post!
    First time I heard about the potential connection between blocked meridian lines and being overweighted. Not that I believe in it.

    Wait, let me think about this again, I do weigh more than when I was piercing free. Halleluja! I always thought it might be all the sweets and lacking of exercise I gained some pounds. But no, it wasn't my fault. It' the piercing! Hahaha!

    Good luck for the next sexxions, stay strong!

  2. My fitness is unfortunately hampered by my hatred of any exercise which doesn't involve competing against another person...which is fine during the rugby season, but once cricket arrives I'm left worryingly short of exercise! As for dieting, bollocks to it. I know that's easy for me to say, unhampered by unrealistic body image expectations, but in terms of actual physical fitness regular exercise (proper exercise, not gym-monkeydom or 'toning') is infinitely better than dieting.

    Proper sport is still better than fitness for the sake of fitness though. Fact. Join a rugby club or something...